As I was waiting for the train today, it just hit me that I miss my daddy. He usually takes the train with me and we would be sitting on our "favourite" bench, avoiding smokers & we would have our little chat while waiting for the train.
I think many commuters would notice that we would go to the station together. And perhaps now they would be wondering "eh.. how come she's always alone?wonder what happened to that man who is always with her?"
When I first started working, some of my dad's friends who commutes by train as well thought that I'm his niece/girlfriend/sister. (It's a compliment for my father.) Even the guards at my bank were guessing how am I related to my dad.
Eventually, everyone found out that I'm Vincent Woo's youngest daughter then their next reaction would usually be"WOW! So big already ar?"
Well, I always wonder if I asked "You mean physically or age wise?", how would they react. They will probably say "Oh, you look matured." Afraid that I would be offended.
Many people would think that I'm older than my age. Can't blame them as I do have a mature looking outlook. I won't feel offended when you say that I'm older than my age or that I'm older than my sister.I used to but not anymore.I have accepted the fact that I do look more mature.It doesn't matter to me. I'm just glad to have been born! :)
And as I was walking towards my work place today, I was also reminded of my dad. He would usually take the lead when we cross the bridge from Bank Negara to Jalan Raja Laut. I would just follow behind him because he can squeeze his way through those who takes their time walking. It has been almost a month that I've been crossing this bridge without my dad. I sometimes could still see him walking in front of me. I pray that he will join me again in this daily routine soon. :)
I know I have been projecting a strong character throughout the past month. Perhaps many followers of my blog would start wondering "Hey, is Yi Lei really such a strong person? Perhaps she is just pretending to be strong since this daily post is for her father."
To make you wonder less, here is the truth:
1) I do have my moments. 80% of the whole of last month I was doing fine.
The first that I cried after hearing the news from my dad was when I called my colleague to apply for Emergency Leave. I just couldn't control myself. The 2nd was when I was with my dad at home. I just couldn't help seeing him & my sister in tears. The 3rd when Han came home and hug me. It was water works again. The 4th was at the hospital when my mum broke down at the car park before my dad's surgery. I cried too. The 5th was when I prayed at 2pm on the day my dad was reborn again. The 6th was when my dad held my hand & told me to not be so stressed up. The 7th was when I found Pingu not having the strength to get up. The 8th when I went to the vet to inform them of our decision to put Pingu to rest & finally the 9th when Han hugged me after coming home from the vet.
I have 9 "moments" in a month. I bound to have more. I do cry easily and you may be surprised to know this.
For example: I am currently reading this book titled "The Last Lecture" by Randy Pausch. I have a habit to always glance at the last chapter whenever I read any book. (Just a bad habit that I can't break.) So happen, the last chapter of this book is about this professor (Randy Pausch) & his wife. Randy was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. He only had months to live. He gave his "last lecture" dedicated to his 3 young children. His wife was there to witness his first "last lecture". It touched me that a person who is counting his days can be so positive & romantic. He lived every moment that he has left with his wife & children with enthusiasm. Tears fell down from my eyes when I read that his wife hugged him after the crowd sang a "Happy Birthday" song to her at the lecture (Her b'day was the day before the lecture.) and she whispered three simple words.. "Please don't die."
It was then I realized that no matter how positive/strong you project to be, you will eventually say things that the "going" party would not want to hear.
Do get hold of this book & read it. It gives you motivation to live your dream and look at life the positive manner.
When people are in grieve we tend to say "Don't cry.." or "It's ok.. don't worry. Don't think so much".
I learnt from the 2 man that matters most in my life that we are all allowed to cry cause they both said "Just cry. Let it all out. It's ok to cry."
2) This blog is about my life & it is my true feelings.
I don't see a reason not to write exactly how I feel. After all, there isn't any benefit for me to lie about my feelings. I would only be lying to myself.
Be assured that I am strong. I have faith in God & I have faith in my daddy. I know we will make it through with God's guidance. I am also human and don't forget my first point, I cry easily. After every moment, I have someone to tell me that I can put my trust & burden on Him and that made me strong.
Many of family members & friends offered help when they found out about my dad. From the bottom of my heart, I thank you all for the sincere ever ready helping hands. The best helping hand that you could give my family & I now are your hands in prayer. It is the most wonderful gift.
As we pray in union, God would then guide us and we would walk His way.
3) My dad is in good health!
I do get a lot of people asking me "How is your dad?"
It is a genuine question. I would answer them genuinely "He is doing fine. Recovering well at home."
I can't help it but think at the back of my head when they asked me that question: "Are they expecting me to say something bad? Well, they shouldn't be cause I don't have anything bad to say. He IS doing fine & recovering well at home."
I have learnt today that the next time someone asked me "How is your dad?"
I would answer "My dad is in good health!"
It is an honest answer because as long as God is with my dad, he is in good health! :)
The next question that most people will ask me "How about you?How are you?"
I would tell them. "I'm good too." Then they will give me that smile & nod that would make me think that they were expecting a longer answer.
The truth is, I AM doing good. I'm leading a normal life. I have a new daily routine and it amazes me.
I do welcome you asking me about my family & I. All I want you to keep in mind is that you have to believe me that my answer is & will be genuine & it's not to cover anything.
My dad signing up for Qi Gong class.
*HUMMMMMM*
He is in good health! Relaxing his mind & body.
Last but not least, I do wish to point out that I'm approaching my late 20s. I am more matured (not just my outlook) as every day passes by. Some say I speak like I have tons of experience, that's thanks to my dad for teaching me when & what to say. However, I have to admit that I still lack in a lot of areas which I will learn from everyone that is surrounding me.
Hey, after all, I'm still in my 20s. The journey will be more exciting and I'm looking forward to growing with my loved ones. :)
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